Not looking forward today.

Its just plain boring today in school. Nash and naomi not in school. I was quiet all day well not so. I talked abit. Its creepy. Annie and Ranea was like walking up slowly towards me. Okay...? Wonder what they up, eh? Science was boring too. German too. Food too. Mostly everything. I was really looking forward today but suddenly my excitement went down, decreased! I don't know. Maybe lack of friends meaning less people. To me. I want to do math. It will keep me happy and ticking my brain. Solving ya know. Yeah. I love math. It always forgets everything happening and I would just concentrate. Some pple doesn't like math. Wonder why? Is it the numbers or the problem solving or just too difficult to understand. I wish I was a math teacher but in order to do that I have to work hard. I still didn't know which career path will I want to go. Maybe music? I learn piano but I still remember the notes so yeah. I like to go in a band. Haha! I wish!
I wrote alot but its just my brain keep coming up ideas alot. I still talk alot in my head but not open. Why can;t I just be like a normal girl who loves to talk like in Singapore. I'm that type of girl. Here I'm JUST SO QUIET! Except at home sometimes unless no one wants to talk to me. I'll be hiding in my room or just keep quiet and the sofa and look around or just walking around the house just for fun.
People say I ask too much/many questions. Yeah, that's right. I'm the questioner! I love to ask. You know why. Some people have purpose. I don't like walking with anyone quiet and you know that you need/want to talk. It feels weird. There is these nerves in my body always like that. I start a question and they start talking. I hate small convo. Sometimes they just couldn't hear me so I just said nvm. That's me. I do that to everyone. When I ask or talk and they couldn't here I'll just go nvm. So people if u want me to answer your questions, pull your ear up high and listen carefully. Cause you'll know what I'll say. I don't talk if I don't know you. That person must start talking first than I will then get friendly. Thats me. I'm kinda shy towards people. I will be very alive if you make my day. Sometimes people do stuff that is suppose to be funny but its not funny I'll just smie because I don't people to think what's wrong with that girl. Sometimes things are embarrassed for if I do something embarrassing. I'm sure you do too. I'll just put my head down or show that 'oh, great. have you done' expression/face. All this are always my thoughts. Sometimes I have a voice talking to me. Usually you don't right. But me yes. I'will always scold myself or the voice. The person who I talks in my head is the thoughts. Sometimes my thoughts always talks about someone attitude. I'm just... I don't know. I love talking to my head but sometimes its irritating when you just wants it to shut up.
Wow, I didn't know I wrote alot about myself. Well, that's my thoughts, my voice in my head. I'm just showing how I feel. Sometimes its hurting when you hurt me but I'll show you the smiling face because I don't want people to know I'm hurt. I will show it when I am not with you or away from you. I'll cry in my heart but not outside. I'm not the crying type of person only if it is too hurt/ serious. Life is always not perfect thats what people said. Some genius people. And you just have to go on your life and never to go back. Remember the song 'keep running back' . Life is important too. I'm sure you don't want to hurt your soul. You have to take care of it. One day, your soul will be taken by an angel because God command it. One day, you'll never see your face again only in heaven. You never know these will happen but soon you'll find out when the day comes. And its TRUE! Life is too precious. I always wants to commit suicide because of hurtful memories but courage told me not to. I don't want to leave my loves one and it hurts alot. Because they are your precious your memories. When your soul is taken, you cannot remember your love ones on that day. It's just sad. Sometimes you need your friend to give that inspiration in you but you need to trust them. Or you'll lose it and you cannot get it back easily. Everything in our lives is what you do, not anyone. You decide your choices and made the right one sometimes. Bad luck comes sometimes too. It's not someone cursing you. You got to have bad and good luck. So have a good life and life is too precious to kill yourself.

I never thought of these when I was 12 or 13 years old. Soon you'll think about it and you agree.
I love myself but sometimes I hate myself too. You too right? You hate everything you do, decisions or whatever you're thinking. Same as me.

Just always say you love you and then everything will be fine. The only person that could forget, calm yourself is you. You are the one. Not anyone. Because it's your body, your mind is working.
:) I love you!

Wow, I was bored and these is what I came out! It's really long! Haha! Guess my thoughts told me to. lol! Anyway, thanks for reading! Enjoy the future too!