My back is aching

I am so tired. I think everyday I will be doing gardening.
I think I should say honestly.
I hate me.
I hate everything I do.
Sometimes I hate people ordering me around.
I wish I was never been born!
I wish I could runaway from home!
I wish I never exist!
I wish I could kill myself!
My heart is really aching and hurt!
I can't take the pressure when I am at home.
I've been thinking about this long time ago when I really cannot control my anger.
If I am angry I want to lock myself the room.
Shout at people.
Kill that person and then kill myself.
I want to scream.
This is seriously true.
I am serious about it.
It might happen.
I know you guys have not know my other side.
Well this is my other side.
It is scary.
I just wish it really happen to me but something pull me back.
I know, when you read this you might even freak out, maybe.
I have lots of serious problems in me, I am sure you do too.
But I seriously hate mine.
I'm talking about life.
Me.
I hate every second that I do.
I never get something that really makes me happy.
You never know it.
It is suppose to be by poeple, your family, your parents, your siblings, everyone.
Treating you like you are really one of them and not the bad side.
I can be both.
But when I am the bad side, i always surrender because I just can't do it.
I want to cry, scream to everyone on top of a hill or cliff.
I just want my life to be something I can truly love and not hate.
I want people to know that I am really hurt in my heart but you never see it on my face.
I have only one soul, one body and one chance to live.
I prefer to die.
I prefer to throw those chances sometimes because I don't want to live.
All in me is just the bad me. I don't have the good in me because I never do.
Take me to hell. And then later to heaven. Because I know what is going to happen to my soul.
Not my body, my soul. The soul is what makes you live. Without it, you're dead.
Sometimes I wish I could be one of you. I wish I could just snatch your soul. That won't happen.
I want to live in a real world with fantasy and magic.
This might be scary.
I just wish you never read this or I never written this.
I never tell anyone. All is kept in my heart.
I never let it go.
I never let go what is in my heart.
But If you read this maybe you should stay away or ignore it.
-NO_ONE